


Working through it

by Xyzcl



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Trans Male Character, Vanitas living with the SST, mental trauma, mentions of past physical abuse, mentions of past sexual abuse, post kh3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29648808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyzcl/pseuds/Xyzcl
Summary: Vanitas has been through so much at the hands of Xehanort and now that he's freed from his grasp with his own body, he doesn't know what to do. His whole existence slowly turns from heckling and fighting to just making it through the day to day care of the few Unversed he had made after being brought back once again. At first, Ventus wanted to take him in, then Kairi after him. After seeing how he would react around Terra and Riku however, they knew he couldn't stay with them. When he's asked by Xion if he wants to live with her and her friends, he's hesitant at first but agrees and has silent hope that his new housemates won't abandon him the same way the other keyblade wielders had.
Relationships: Roxas & Axel & Xion & Vanitas
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Working through it

**Author's Note:**

> Friends mentioned Vanitas working through trauma and who am I to decline writing Vanitas trying to reach out to other people? I might add more to this later if I get the urge but for now, it's just a oneshot.

The room was dark, quiet, comfortable, safe. There, he didn’t have to worry about anyone coming after him. He didn’t have to fight anyone, he didn’t have to feel the pain his Unversed did as they melted away into the acidic, painful dark ooze that came from his stomach when he was at his most emotional. There, he was freed from the pain he had felt while Xehanort was still alive.

_ Xehanort. _

Just the name of the man who had abused him for so long made his body instinctively flinch and caused him to curl in on himself, shielding any vital points on his body so they would be safe as he braced himself for a hit he knew wouldn’t come ever again. Vanitas knew he was safe, he knew that the three keyblade wielders who had taken him in were also abused by Xehanort and that if anyone knew what he had gone through, it would be them. And yet, he still hid in the dark room in the basement they had given him. They knew he would be more comfortable down in the cool, dark basement where no one would bother him unless he wanted them to, they knew he would be happier with space, and so the three of them left him on his own so he could adjust to finally being safe. 

One of his Unversed, a small Hareraiser, pulled on the sleeve of the oversized long sleeve shirt he was wearing to catch his attention, waiting for their master to lower his knees before climbing into his lap. It took Vanitas a moment to realize that all his Hareraiser wanted was to comfort him as they patted his belly in a manner that they must have learned from one of the three keyblade wielders upstairs. There was something about their attempt that made him snort quietly in amusement before picking them up and holding them closer. 

“Who taught you to do that?” Vanitas asked while the small creature hugged his chest as well as they could with their tiny arms. 

The small creature chittered as they tried to answer his question, snuggling up to their master while Vanitas rubbed their back softly. This was his child in a way, he had brought them into existence and even though he knew they didn’t blame him for whatever could happen to them, he hated that he had brought them and many other Unversed into the hell that was the existence they’d had up to the point where he was finally freed from his own waking nightmare. He could still feel the strike of Xehanort’s keyblade against his skin, could still hear his voice telling him how worthless he was on his own. The echoes of the past haunted him with every moment, causing his stomach to twist as he tried to keep himself from throwing up the same acidic goop that turned into his Unversed. The Hareraiser could tell he was having a panic attack and called out for their siblings to help them comfort their master. Vanitas could feel the floor disappear underneath him as his Bruiser picked him up, allowing himself to be carried over to the bed in the corner of the basement where he would sleep at night. Once he was set down, a group of Floods and Jellyshades all piled onto the bed with him, the comforting give of the plush Jellyshades and the strange purring sound coming from the Floods pulling him from his panic attack slowly as they caused him to relax. There was just something about how strange it was after so many years of pain to have the creatures born from that pain comforting him. It was as if all of them were trying to make sure he knew they cared about him, even if everyone else in the world still despised him for what he had been forced to do by the one man he hated the most in the world. 

He could hear the door to the stairs above the basement open as someone set something down on the top few stairs, retreating under his pile of Jellyshades while he wanted for the relief of the sound of the door closing again. Once he was blessed with the familiar sound of the door clicking shut, Vanitas carefully climbed out from under his many colorful Jellyshades and out of the clinging arms of his Floods before making his way up to see what was left for him. There was a box on the top of the stairs with a plate of food and a sealed drink resting on top of it, a few bags of food for the many Unversed set beside the box and on the step above where the box was resting. He handed the bags to his Bruiser and twin Scrappers so they could take the food down to the rest of their siblings before carrying his own food down to join them. The plate had some pasta dish that Roxas must have learned to make from Sora at some point, one of the few things the other three keyblade wielders made that he could say he enjoyed eating. Either Roxas or Xion must have been taking notes on what he would eat most of since the strange array of what they had been feeding him when he first joined them had slowly changed into a nearly routine rotation of only a few dishes that they had somehow managed to figure out he liked. Once he and his many creations were finished eating, one of the Floods started to curiously poke at the large box that had been sent down with their lunch and he couldn’t choose to ignore it any longer.

“You wanna know what’s inside there?” Vanitas asked, walking over and picking up the little Flood who had been trying to get into the box. 

The Flood chittered and nodded, making it clear that she did indeed want to know what was inside the box their housemates had sent down for them. Vanitas let out a sigh before setting his Flood down, making sure she wasn’t in the way but could still see what was going on before using the handle of the fork that had been sent down with his dinner to cut through the tape keeping the box closed. Once he had made it through the tape, he put his fork back on top of the dirty plate on his bed, taking a deep breath before opening the box. He had never been one for surprises and seeing a note resting on top of a bunch of new clothes, blankets, and pillows, was just another reminder of that fact in his mind. Vanitas pulled out the clothes, looking around the room for somewhere to put them since all he had was the bed he slept on and a mess of pet beds for his many Unversed that they barely used. He set them in a corner before moving back to the box to remove the blankets and pillows, letting the excited assortment of creatures carry them around the room and curl up with them. It was definitely cute in a way, watching all of these different Unversed who would have just mere months ago be called monsters curl up under the plush queen sized blankets meant for his bed. 

The dinner clean up was quick and over in mere moments with the reusable bags and his dishes taking up their space on the top stair once again. Vanitas looked at the pile of new clothes again on his way back towards his bed, hesitating for a moment before picking out a pair of underwear, a pair of pants, and a long sleeve shirt. He made his way to the bathroom, locking the door behind him before turning on the dim light that Axel had paid someone to install after finding out how much he hated bright indoor lights. The week he spent away in the abandoned mansion with his Unversed while random people were in his basement working on the lighting was one of the worst weeks of his life and every day while he was there, he was worried that his housemates would realize they preferred living without him and decide they’d rather he stayed with someone else. He looked at the mirror, flinching at his own reflection when he saw just how disheveled he looked. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts again and make his way over to the tub, another moment to turn on the shower, and only once he was sure the water was warm did he take a step back to undress. He kept his back to the mirror as he stripped, not wanting to see the mess of scars inflicted by Xehanort across his body any more than he had to. The only scars on his body that he was fine with were two faint ones under his pectoral muscles he shared with Sora and the large one on his chest he shared with Ventus from when the two of them were separated against their own wills. Those three scars were the only ones he shared with others, the only ones he could share the pain of. As he reached a hand up to touch the scar over his heart, he silently wondered if Roxas and Sora shared one the same way he and Ventus did. Did Roxas’ body share the same scars he did with Sora? Or were there other scars that he shared with Ventus instead?

Vanitas threw his dirty clothes into the space between the counter and the toilet before stepping into the tub, closing the plastic curtain before settling in under the artificial rain of warm water. The feeling of the warm water rinsing away whatever sweat and grime was soothing, a reprieve he had learned he enjoyed with what little free time he had away from Xehanort in the few worlds he was allowed to go to. The hotels in Radiant Garden had some of the nicest showers he had ever experienced and when he had gone to San Fransokyo with Xion and the replica of Riku during one of their excursions to try and pretend they weren’t all being abused by three separate forms of the same disgusting old man, they had stayed in one of the hotels there and spent whatever munny they had managed to get their hands on buying comfortable clothes, shopping in the different districts where teenagers their physical age normally hung out around, and ordering an absurd amount of junk food and soda from room service. If not for the fact he already knew Xion from their mutual time in the Real Organization XIII, he wouldn’t have agreed to move into the basement he had been occupying and would have more than likely stayed in Radiant Garden to be just another test subject for Even and Ansem’s replica research. 

He grabbed the bottle of shampoo that claimed to be ocean breeze scented and squeezed a large amount of it into his hand before replacing the bottle on the shower shelf, scrubbing down his scalp with his nails while he worked the scented soap into his hair. The aggressive lathering was sure to make his scalp sting a little afterwards once again but after how long he had to scrub his skin before to remove any reminder of Xehanort’s touch on his skin, he was used to it. Compared to the disgusting mess he used to have to wash off his skin, the sweat and grime on his body from caring for his Unversed in the basement was nothing. At least now he was absolutely sure of what was on his body when he woke up instead of waking up with mysterious messes on his skin. Vanitas shoved his head under the flow of water again, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. He needed to think of something else, anything else. While he was rinsing his hair out, he could hear a scratching at the bathroom door and couldn’t help but laugh as he realized one of the Floods was trying to get in. 

“Give me a second.” he called out before carefully climbing out of the tub, standing on the bath mat while he grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist.

Vanitas walked over to the bathroom door, unlocking it before opening it to let the one tiny Flood into the bathroom before closing and locking the door once again. The small creature grabbed his rubber duck from atop the counter beside the sink before climbing into the tub to join his master in the shower. The keyblade wielder hung his towel back on the towel rack before joining his Flood in the shower, grabbing the detachable shower head before sitting on the floor of the tub and starting to spray his cat-like son with the warm water to make sure the Flood was well soaked so the soap would actually lather instead of just streaking over him. Once his creation’s fur was well soaked, he grabbed the bottle of body wash and squeezed some into one of his tiny paws before squeezing some into his own hand so he could wash his own body. 

“Terror, make sure you get behind your ears this time.” Vanitas said flatly as a reminder to his son. 

Terror chittered in response before starting to lather his fur with the paopu scented body wash the same way Vanitas did on his own body, the two of them just quietly lathering their bodies with soap. Once he was sure he had soaped his whole body, Vanitas started to rinse the soap off his body. He made sure he rinsed every inch of his body, leaving not a single bubble on his body before rinsing off his Flood. After they were both clean and the last of the soap had run down the drain, Vanitas plugged the drain with the rubber drain stop and changed the water flow from the shower head to the faucet. He hung the shower head back up, allowing the tub to fill to a level that was reasonable for the small creature in the tub before turning the water off and leaning back against the wall. Vanitas watched as Terror splashed around excitedly and squeaked his rubber duck, just quietly trying to focus on what was there in the moment instead of what had happened in the past. Terror offered his master the rubber duck when he noticed Vanitas was lost in thought. 

“Thanks but you can keep it.” Vanitas mumbled, poking his creation’s belly before settling back in. 

He watched as Terror played, listening to his happy chittering while trying not to fall asleep in the warm water. Vanitas had always been comforted by the feeling of clean warm water to the point where Xion and the Riku replica had both needed to almost drag him out of the hotel hot tub when they were in San Fransokyo when he almost fell asleep. It was something that he had just gotten used to, a pleasant reprieve from what he had been put through in the Keyblade Graveyard. After about twenty minutes, he reached over to pull the drain stop and allow the water to run down the drain. Terror waited for all the water to drain from the tub with Vanitas, seeming to watch to make sure he didn’t get hurt as he climbed out. Once the keyblade wielder was standing on the bath mat again, he grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist once again. He grabbed one of the many children’s hooded towels he had collected over the months in his few and far between trips out of the house, waiting for Terror to climb out of the tub to wrap him in the towel. The two of them dried off and once the Flood was as dry as he could get, Vanitas let him out and closed himself in the bathroom alone again. 

Once he was alone, he looked at his reflection in the mirror. With his hair damp and pressed down against his head, he could almost separate his current existence from his past two. There, he was safe. There, he wasn’t going to be hurt anymore. There, he wouldn’t wake up with his clothes ripped off his body and hands around his throat. Vanitas sat on the edge of the tub to take a moment to compose himself. He didn’t need to keep thinking about what Xehanort had done to him, the old man was dead and would never be able to hurt him again. Even though he knew for a fact that Xehanort was gone, he still didn’t feel safe. It was the little things that got to him, little motions Terra and Riku didn’t notice from when Xehanort had used their bodies for his own ends and the small things Axel, Isa, Even, Ienzo, and Dilan said without realizing after being forced to work under Xemnas for so long were just small reminders that if he wasn’t careful, he could end up hurting someone just like Xehanort had hurt him. He could hear when his housemates woke up from nightmares just as well as they could hear when he himself did and knew they remembered just how bad Xehanort could be. The three of them all had each other for comfort when they had nightmares but all he had from deciding to isolate himself were his Unversed. He knew he could go to them, he knew he could talk to them and they would understand, and yet he still hid himself away from them in his basement. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, he stood back up and started to dress himself. He needed to talk to someone else, someone who could respond in a language he could also speak instead of the chittering of his Unversed he was still learning to understand. As he looked at himself in the mirror one last time to take in how the clothes were loose in a way he found comforting, Vanitas hung up the two damp towels and made his way back out into the basement room. 

“I’m going upstairs.” Vanitas announced to the creatures made of his own negativity. “Don’t make too much of a mess while I’m gone and Bruce, be gentle with the Jellyshades when you help them take a bath.”

He waited for his Bruiser to nod before making his way up the stairs, noticing the dishes and bags had already been taken by someone else. Taking one final deep breath to brace himself, Vanitas opened the door and stepped out into the kitchen where the basement door was. He could see the sun was starting to set and knew his housemates were going to leave for the clock tower soon. If he wanted to truly reach out to them, to finally pull himself from his own pit of loathing and self hate, he needed to catch them before they left and ask to go with them. Vanitas made his way out of the kitchen and into the living room, hesitating at the staircase that led upstairs to the other three bedrooms before pushing past his hesitation and making his way up the stairs. He knocked on the first door of the series of three, Xion’s door, and picked at the hem of one of his shirt sleeves while he waited for her to answer. At the sight of her shocked face, he felt his stomach sink and wondered if he had made a mistake.

“Hey, can I go to the clock tower with you three today?” Vanitas asked quickly before his mind could start going through the endless loop that would send him running back to the basement.

“Of course you can!” Xion replied happily, her look of surprise quickly changing to a bright smile. “I’ll let Axel and Roxas know, we’ll meet you downstairs in a few minutes.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you down there.” 

After he was done speaking, Vanitas quickly made his way back down the stairs and towards the basement door. He all but ran down the stairs to grab a pair of socks and stumbled slightly on his way back up, leaving the door open for his Unversed since some of the smaller ones had trouble with the door knob as he hurried back to the living room. As he was lacing up his boots, he could hear his housemates making their way down the stairs and took a deep breath to steady himself. He  **was** going to go out with them, there was no way he was going to let his anxiety win. Vanitas knew he needed this and from the reassuring looks on the other keyblade wielder’s faces, they knew it as well. 

“Ready to go?” Axel asked as he motioned to the front door with his head.

Vanitas nodded, taking one last deep breath as he stood up. “Yeah, I’m ready.”


End file.
